You don't have to love it. But I hope you still love me.

I am a faithful person. I have faith in things that have no basis in science, no explanation. I am a Christian. Though imerfect, I still love God, and I know God loves me, too. My mother and father are Christians as well. My mom is the type to preach, which is one of the many things I love about her. Sometimes, though, she takes it too far. Today she offended me.

My choices, may they be good or bad, are my choices, between me and my God. They are not for any one else to judge or criticize. If I'm doing wrong, I answer to the Father, not to my mother. My fiance is pegan. Weird interfaith relationship, even by the most outrageous standards. But I don't love him less, or different, because of his beliefs. I may not agree with them, but like I said before, that is between him and God. His choices are not for me to judge. My mother knows he is pegan; it's not like it's a secret. He doesn't sacrifice animals or worship really anything. He just doesn't believe the way we believe. That's a problem for my mother. She loves Quin. Adores him, even. She just worries that I'm doing him a disservice by living with him, and for my children because I live with a man I'm not married to.

Actually, I am married. I'm married to another man. And I live with my boyfriend who is pegan. You can imagine how my mother reacts to this. So she calls me up today and asks me, "Would Quin be offended if I bought him a Bible?"

"Yes, mother," I say. "Don't do that. Don't buy him a Bible, he will be very offended."
Then started the preaching.
It was alot and I've already pretty much blocked it out, but it came down to me telling her that when she comes to visit next month, do not come into my house and start preaching at a man who has heard it all. I do my best to share my faith, never relenting in my beliefs. But I can't force a person to believe something they really know nothing about. I can't force a person to believe in something they know everything about. So I just live my life having faith, not cramming my faith down his throat.

But I can see it now.

In walks mom. Here to stay for a week. In my tiny apartment. And all she wants to talk about is Quin's soul.

Sounds like so much fun. Such a great time. Wonderful.

So now what do I do? Do I tell her not to come at all? Because I would rather just avoid the fight altogether. I don't want her to come in here and start telling us how it is. I am responsible for my own actions.

And this is all coming off a really bad night. A crappy evening with Quin, a terrible night sleep (because I was sulking) and children screaming at the crack of dawn. My week is going wonderful. I did talk to the lawyer yesterday, and that went well. We looked at a house that we think we are going to buy, as well. So it hasn't been all bad. Just mostly.

That's right. I said it.

I have my first appointment with my divorce attorney on Tuesday. I'm so nervous. I want this stupid divorce to be over with so bad. I am at a point in my life now where I am so happy, where my children are happy. Granted Andrew doesn't know any better, but John still remembers a time (I think) when his dad and I were still together. We've been separated for a year, but it's been over for a lot longer than that. I still hurt, but not for me. I hurt for my boys. I don't know how to explain all this to them when they come to me someday asking why their father isn't around.

What makes a man want to disappear? He didn't physically disappear, but mentally. He just gave up on his children. I hate him for that, and yet I have to put on a happy face for John and make nice with his father, pretend he didn't take what he wanted from me and leave me with two kids, "cultivate the love and respect for the other parent" as the papers say. What a load of crap. Isn't it more important they know the truth? Since when is lying to your children okay? Why should I tell them that their father is a good man and that he wants to see them when I know otherwise?

And don't even get me started on the other woman. She was my best friend. Yes, ladies and gentleman. A backstabbing bitch. She lied to my face every day, while screwing my husband behind my back. Now all that time she spent playing with my son just seems creepy. Like she was preparing herself for some kind of motherhood that will NEVER HAPPEN AS LONG AS I'M ALIVE. As far as I'm concerned, she can have the deadbeat. What burns me is that she took a father away from my children. Not that he wanted much to do with fatherhood before he started banging her every chance he got. But still. What the hell am I supposed to tell my boys?

Back to the lawyer. I'm nervous. Afraid that she's going to tell me that it will take years and thousands of dollars to achieve. Thousands of dollars I don't have because.....? Because I'm busy taking care of two kids with no help from their father.

If there was one thing I could say to him right now it would be....well..many things, not just one. But to her? Enjoy what's left of an already terrible waste of human energy. Always know you didn't take anything from me, because you can't take something that wasn't mine. So any satisfaction you think you got is unfounded. You've got spoiled leftovers, and I have mana from Heaven, dear girl. Oh, and don't ever come near me or my kids ever again. That's right. I said it.

Good things come to those who wait!

I got my first order in the mail from eyeslipsface.com on Friday. I am really happy with everything I bought and I'm excited to make my next purchase. The colors are really pretty and vibrant, and I highly recommend the eyeshadow duo from the Essentials collection. They are smooth and not flaky, beautiful colors and they are only $1.00! Super excited to do business with them again.

In these photos:
e.l.f. Essentials duo eyeshadow in olive
Rimmel London Glam'Eyes eyeshadow in glam ice
Maybelline New York Line Stiletto in blackest black
Rimmel London Extra Super Lash Mascara in black black
Covergirl clean makeup for normal skin 110 (classic ivory)
Covergirl clean makeup pressed powder 225 (buff beige)
Hard Candy Blush Crush Baked Blush 127 (honeymoon)

Teething babies

I have two children. I have John, who is two, and Andrew, who is six months. Anyone who has more than one child knows, all of them are different. With John, I got so spoiled! He never cried. He slept through the night the second week we were home with him. The week before John's first birthday, my kids' father and I found out we were expecting Andrew. To say I was in shock is a major understatement. I had had a c-section with my oldest, and anyone who has had one knows you should wait at least 24 months before getting pregnant again. I was still healing, and I was still a new mom to boot.
Everything about my pregnancy with Andrew was different than before. When I was pregnant the first time, I was sick every day for nine months, on bedrest from my 27th week to delivery, diagnosed with toxemia at 35 weeks, and I gained 55 pounds! With Andrew, I was never morning sick, he was an active baby in the belly, I had so much energy, and I lost 20 pounds. All of the differences continued after birth. Andrew didn't sleep through the night until he was three months old. And that was only the beginning! I've been having such a hard time with him while he's been cutting teeth. With John it was a walk in the park. Andrew is back to not sleeping through the night, and he's keeping my fiance and I exhausted around the clock trying to find something that works for him. We do baby oragel, infant tylenol, a little cereal in his bottle to make him sleepy. So many things, and nothing works.
I'm so tired, I can hardly think straight, and I feel like crying my eyes out every time I put Andrew down for sleep and he just wakes up as soon as I fall asleep. I know I'll get through this, but for now it looks bleek. Every thing I've read and everyone I've talked to says you just have to wait it out. Ha! What else can you do, right? I guess I hope that I can look back on this in a few months or so and be glad that it's over, or that someone will see that I got through it and that will comfort them. So if you're a mommy or a daddy to a teething baby, hang in there. As my mom says to me, "This too shall pass."

First post!!

I've been thinking about blogging for a while now, and finally decided to do it! We are on a budget in our household, which led me to start coming up with DIY ideas, for home and for my own personal style. When I've got a little extra cash left over, the mommy in me just can't spend it on myself; I always find the most amazing stuff that I "just have to get" for my boys. When there is that off chance I have ten extra dollars laying around, it has to stretch far.
Anyone who knows me knows that I love Marilyn Monroe. She was a bombshell. She loved her makeup, her red nail polish. She was the picture of glamour to me, and I'm always trying to recreate that in my own life be it home decor, fashion, or my makeup. She is my inspiration most of the time. That being said, I recently went in search of a more affordable way for those of us on a budget to still look and feel glamorous without breaking ourselves in the process. That's when I stumbled across e.l.f. cosmetics. I immediately fell in love. I think at first my fiance was cringing, knowing I was going to ask for a shopping spree. But once he say the prices, he was more than happy to hand over a little cash. I placed my order on March 19, and am now tracking the package. The FedEx smartship site says it should be here Monday the 28th.
At first, I was like, "Nine days? Really?" because it's shipping inside the US. But then I saw a disclaimer at the top of the site explaining that they are currently to help their affiliates in Japan sort out their issues after the earthquake and tsunami. Then I thought that delivery time was pretty good.
So, so far I'm pretty happy with my order. Customer service is great, and they sent me emails to notify me when my orders shipped and had a track your package feature. I've also been recieving coupon codes in my email from their website regularly. I'm telling you, I'm a believer! Their brushes and makeup start at just $1! That is what mommy on a budget is all about. Not to mention someone who loves makeup as much as I do. Visit the site! I promise you won't be sorry.