It has been a long while since I last posted. I have been so low, just so blah. After my surgery, I had totally given up on the workout because it took such a long while to recover. Then I had a huge vacation and one of my best friend's weddings to help with and attend. I guess I've still been recovering this whole time. From everything. I'm feeling okay today, but I'm taking it one day at a time.
The thing I've been struggling with the most is my identity. As a mother, I know who I am. I'm tough and protective, caring and nurturing. As a partner I'm a lover, a friend, a sounding board, and advice-giver. But for some reason, I don't know who I am. Myself. I love being a mother to my children and a partner to my boyfriend, but is that all that defines me as a person? I don't know, maybe I'm over dramatizing things. Thinking about it all too much. But the more I do think about it, the more lost I feel. I know, it sounds stupid.
I just want something that is just for me. I clean house, feed kids, cook dinner, wash laundry, play and read and give piggy-back rides. I listen to Quin about his work til my ears bleed and finally get quiet with the kids go to bed. By then, I have to go to bed so I can get up and do it all over again. I get that it's what I do. And I'm not saying that I don't love my family. I'm just saying...
What am I saying?
I don't have a CLUE! I just want to be me again. I want to do something that has nothing to do with Quin and nothing to do with the children. I want to do something that no one will criticize, try to change or take away from me. I just want something more.
