As much as I love them

If it were possible to fold a sheet of normal size computer paper evenly 100 times, it would be 12 billion lightyears thick. That's approximately the radius of the "known" universe.

For some reason, when I read that I cried. I'm such a mess lately, though, so it's really hard to say what caused today's mood swing.

Watching fireflies come up while waiting for fireworks on the 4th

I spend a lot of time with the boys. So much that I sometimes feel like they are my only friends. Both of them are so smart, and John is talking so well, putting full sentences together. It makes me so proud, and the little lisp when he says his "s" makes it even better. Andrew is cruising. He pulls up on all the furniture and in his crib and holds on as he takes these tiny baby steps on his chubby little feet.

Andrew's fat feet in his baby flip flops

I love them both so much. I can't believe I'm their mom. Though this is definitely NOT what I saw myself doing with my twenties, and I sometimes dream of being someone else, I wouldn't change a thing. After about a month-long down swing in my Bipolar, I'm feeling so tired, whiny, and sore. I'm hungry like I haven't eaten in days and I know I need a shower. I've been doing so well at controlling my highs and lows. After two surgerys in the last month, though, I'm kind of off-balance. Not to mention all the anesthesia and pain meds. I'm off everything now, but it messed me up hormonally. That's why I don't take pain meds; they throw everything off.

I feel like I haven't been a very attentive mother lately, and that also makes me cry. I don't know what I would do without these boys. I mean, look at them!

They light up my world.