It has been a long while since I last posted. I have been so low, just so blah. After my surgery, I had totally given up on the workout because it took such a long while to recover. Then I had a huge vacation and one of my best friend's weddings to help with and attend. I guess I've still been recovering this whole time. From everything. I'm feeling okay today, but I'm taking it one day at a time.
The thing I've been struggling with the most is my identity. As a mother, I know who I am. I'm tough and protective, caring and nurturing. As a partner I'm a lover, a friend, a sounding board, and advice-giver. But for some reason, I don't know who I am. Myself. I love being a mother to my children and a partner to my boyfriend, but is that all that defines me as a person? I don't know, maybe I'm over dramatizing things. Thinking about it all too much. But the more I do think about it, the more lost I feel. I know, it sounds stupid.
I just want something that is just for me. I clean house, feed kids, cook dinner, wash laundry, play and read and give piggy-back rides. I listen to Quin about his work til my ears bleed and finally get quiet with the kids go to bed. By then, I have to go to bed so I can get up and do it all over again. I get that it's what I do. And I'm not saying that I don't love my family. I'm just saying...
What am I saying?
I don't have a CLUE! I just want to be me again. I want to do something that has nothing to do with Quin and nothing to do with the children. I want to do something that no one will criticize, try to change or take away from me. I just want something more.
Hey Cassie nice to have you back :) Be yourself, you can still be yourself and be a mom and a partner - you will find something to do that makes you feel like you again, and do you know what....take no notice of the critics, they are only jealous xxx
ReplyDeleteHey Cassie, long time no blog, hope everything is ok and your all better after surgery.
ReplyDelete